Lost limbs, too much blood and conveniently placed chainsaw petrol

Evil Dead

Directed by: Fede Alvarez
Produced by: Sam Raimi (original director and producer)
Starring: Jane Levy, Shiloh Fernandez, Lou Taylor Pucci

As deadlines approach and we swiftly move into exam season the best way to cool off some revision steam is to go and watch this years over the top gore film. Much to my disgust, the Saw...collection...have gone rapidly downhill and the hostel films are no-where to be seen. Therefore, I find myself turning to Sam Raimi's remake of his 1980's failure, 'Evil Dead'.
   Make no mistake, this film is so full of blood and gore you'll find yourself feeling not only sick but thinking about what's in your oversized cinema drink...not just flat cola. But what is this whole fiasco about?! What makes this devil's remake so different from the rest?! To be honest, nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's the typical scene, in the woods...abandoned cabin...five friends...one girl trying to give up her coke addiction...she then gets raped by a tree. WAIT. Raped. By. A. Tree? Yes. It just gets worse from there.
  Here's a plot summary with no spoilers (if you have watched the trailer). The nerdy guy finds this bizarre looking book in a cat carcass filled basement and his crazy nurse girlfriend tells him not to meddle with it...of course he does. A strange evil entity arises from the dead trying to take five souls before the earth rains blood and the devil will rise again, blah blah blah. What's weird is this "devil" doesn't just possess one person at a time, somehow once it has taken someones soul it will turn that person into a weird zombie thing.
Can I just say, second hand prop alert... it looks as though the "devil's possession eyes" are the same contacts from the late Twlight Saga series...

I have to give it to Alvarez, the screenplay for this film is particularly amusing, conversation is pretty typical but once the "devil entity" gets it's say then things turn from bad to worse, some of my favourite quotes are:

"I can smell your filthy soul"

"Why don't you come down here and let me suck your cock, pretty boy!" 

"Where do you think you're going, you junkie whore?"

and my person favourite..."You are all going to die tonight." 

  There are more than a few "back alley surgeries" in this film, so many limbs and body parts are severed or cut in half, it makes one wonder how any of them survived, it didn't even look like there were bones in the limbs, just pure muscle. Like most horror films, everything is extremely conveniently placed, what you need is right where you want it when you want it, or the opposite. I guess, you don't really have a lot of time to look around for the things you need when the devil is after your soul and to drag you back to hell with it, right? I never really did understand the final goal of the devil entity...once it has taken it's five souls and risen back to reality...then what? It takes a stroll around the town while everyone else is drowning in the torrential blood rain?

Here's the main five things you need to know about Evil Dead:
1) No story adaption
2) Average acting
3) So much watered down blood, you'll have a hard time NOT thinking about tomato juice.
4) Much to my surprise... NO sex or nudity (thank the lord and all heavens above)
5) Last but not least, an extremely disappointing ending with no twists or surprises (sorry).

Do I recommend this film? Unless you love gore as much as me and my weird friends, probably not. What I would recommend for this film if you do see it...go watch it on an empty stomach, there were parts that even I had a little mini sick at.

There is one good thing that came from 'Evil Dead', Sam Raimi can now die a happy man knowing he created the film he always wanted. Well done Sammy.

10 reasons why gig crowds are more atrociously annoying than high school canteens.

After going to see Theme Park at Heaven on Thursday night (14th March), it has come to my attention just how annoying gig crowds are. No doubt I have been in a few of these groups myself over the past couple of years but, it has taken me this long to work out the social groups. For this reason alone, I am willing to share with you my findings.


1) Horny Couples

This is my top pet peeve (I have quite a few). Why people go to gigs just to get off is beyond me. Firstly, they always arrive late and think it's okay to push in front of everyone who has had to endure the (usually) awful support bands. Not only that, once they are right in front of your face they start to suck each others faces, grind up against each other, have mild foreplay and my personal favourite that I witnessed Thursday night...giving each other intimate massages. WHY?! Surely you can't be enjoying the band as much as you're enjoying each others company and it's just so embarrassing for everyone else. If I wanted to watch horny couples I would hang around the college hallways at lunch time. Cut it out. 


2) Die hard fans

These aren't so much annoying but sweet in a way...until they start getting rude and over the top. I'm talking about the people that get to the gig six (or more) hours early just to bag a spot at the barrier. I mean, it's understandable that you want to be at the front for your favourite band, right? The thing I hate about them is when they start screaming at the band, usually declaring their love for a certain member. That's a bit embarrassing isn't it. Stereotypically, die hard fans are thirteen year old girls looking to "find themselves". You won't find anything by screaming how much you love someone who is usually ten or more years older than you, love. The worst thing about die hard fans is crying when they meet the band, sometimes I think, "bless you". Most of the time I think "just man up, they're only human." 


3) Over-the-top drunks

If you go to a gig to get absolutely plastered then I'm sorry but, you really need to re-asses your choices. Don't get me wrong, I love a drink as much as the next nineteen year old but think about it this way. On average you pay around £20 to get into a gig, the drink prices are ridiculously extortionate (£4.95 for a can of rekorderlig? Really?), so you end up spending around £50 on drinks, only to wake up not remembering a thing about the band you saw and an empty pocket. I don't see the point, if you're looking to pick up a sweaty partner for the evening, think about this next time...you don't look sexy, you look sweaty and as if you're about to barf on the crowd any second.


4) Fake lyric belters

Lets not pretend that we don't all fit into this category...you're at a gig purely for your friend, you know a couple of their songs...when they play the only song you know you, get really into it and scream-sing what you think are the lyrics, suddenly everyone is looking around at you in such distaste like you've walked on to a football pitch with a rugby ball... of course you've been belting the wrong lyrics and for a moment there's awkwardness, then just plain hilarity. It's fine when it happens in one or two songs but when someone is doing it through the whole gig, I just want to turnaround and give them a lyric sheet or just tell them to go home. Here's a tip...learn the lyrics to at least one song properly and just bounce around to the rest.


5) Avid Moshers

Avid Moshers are a close second on my pet peeve list. On what planet is pushing everyone, punching and kicking people and running around in circles fun? Seriously. I really, really don't understand the point of them at all, it's not appreciating the music; it's just running riot and ruining everyone else's night for no reason at all. I call these Moshers avid because somehow they manage to mosh to EVERYTHING whether that be Bullet For My Valentine, Tame Impala or The Maccabees, they always manage to "MAKE A CIRCLE". 


6) Awkward Dates

I feel sorry for these girls (or guys) who get dragged to gigs on awkward dates. It doesn't happen so often now because gig tickets have got more expensive and a buffet is an acceptable date...apparently. The date usually has no idea who the band are and to the dater, well, they're having the time of their life. Little do these daters know, they'll be going home alone that night with nothing but minor post gig depression and a fake 'call me' mobile number.

7) The 'I don't care about the band, I'm just here to cause trouble' types.

These guys, for me, are a mix of over-the-top drunks and avid Moshers, they are usually the ones who find it hilarious to start pushing everyone. They are the ones that hit on the girl/boy in the horny couple, incidentally killing their bond between the couples and start fights. However, because these guys are drunk and don't care they just walk away and start something somewhere else until they've made their way though the crowd, get bored and eventually leave. What a waste of a ticket. The worst bit is, these guys usually come in massive groups, there's just no escape!

8) The 'I've listened to the band for years, they sold out' types

This is too self-explanatory for me to have a rant about.

9) Competitive Photographers

There's nothing more hilarious than watching about ten photographers run around at the bottom of the stage trying to follow the band, trying to get the best shots they can when ultimately all of them look the same! Sorry budding photographers, the photos do look amazing, just all the same, it's like listening to a Nickelback album when looking through all of the photos from the gig. The best part is when the security tell them that they have to leave and none of them are ready, they are still trying to get that last precious shot. It's like trying to get a child out of a ball pit.

10) High heels

I don't care who you are. I don't care how rich you are. I don't care who you're with. If you are going to a standing gig, there is absolutely no reason for high heels. Not under any circumstances. It's not only stupid for yourself, it's also really unfair on everyone else because when you stand on our converse covered toes, it hurts, a lot. There's a time and a place for heels and a gig is certainly not one of those places. 

There are probably a million of other reasons, these are the ones I can think of for now. It's mostly just been a rant for me but, categorise yourself, go against me, whatever you want to do. At the end of the day, everyone recognises these people at gigs. We're all thinking it! 

Gangster Squad

Director: Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland, 30 minutes or less)

Starring: Sean Penn, Ryan Gosling, Josh Brolin, Emma Stone

Gangster Squad is a typical 1950's, Los Angeles based mobster film. Mickey Cohen, a top mobster in LA and Chicago, is taking over Los Angeles one phone line at a time so he can take the title, “King of the City” (so lame). Set specifically in 1949, fresh stories and memories of the war are floating around, SGT. John O'Mara is a detective that can't seem to lift those memories(not surprising). The impression I got was, it was his sole purpose to take down anyone who had done any bad in the world(despite being told not to, many times). As the Cohen rises in taking away Los Angeles' “soul” from the LAPD, the chief inspector calls upon O'Mara to get together a secret crew of police officers to take down Mickey Cohen.

With help from O'Mara's pregnant wife (because she obviously knows exactly what traits a secret police crew need) John and his wife (mostly his wife) put together LA's dream team. Which include: a black cop who is amazing at throwing knives, an old guy on the front of what looks to be a comic book that my twelve year old brother could draw, a really brainy guy who also fought the war and of course the gorgeous, naïve SGT. Jerry Wooters. Somehow a Mexican guy joins the “Gangster Squad”(which they name themselves), despite his lack of police experience and he has never shot a gun before, he just “listened in” on one of their plans and decided that he may as well join now. Before I continue, can we just reflect? This film is set in the 1950's, if I'm not mistaken and I remember my year nine history correctly, black and whites were not aloud to mix, am I right? Certainly not a Mexican!

There's no character development in this film, I didn't even know Jerry Wooters was a sergeant until I got home and looked it up on IMBD, I also had no idea what he was fighting for, without giving anything away he seemed to change his mind about the “dream team” pretty promptly. Further on in the film, it seems like he changes his mind as to why he's fighting! I know there's only a certain amount of time in the film and explosions and big guns are obviously more important but it'd be nice to know some details.

Although the film is named 'Gangster Squad' it's shocking how little we know about them apart from O'Mara and Wooters; again poor character development. Dare I say this film is a complete rip off of Scarface, not the story, the “slow motion gun wounds”, the rolling of the shoulders, the proud pouting while shooting a machine gun; it left me in a sombre state of squalor. There's one more thing I need to say before I say what I actually enjoyed. I've never been a fan of Sean Penn, but in this film I particularly didn't enjoy his acting, he spent the whole film looking as though he was having a stroke, failing to make eye contact with anyone. Not even his “lover”, Grace Faraday. He also reminded me of a nodding dog, bulldog like features and all.

By now you're probably wondering, “what the heck did she LIKE about this film?”. Well here's to sum it up in one paragraph, the colour grading and editing were excellent, beautiful colours; very warm and raw, although they would be more appropriate in a RomCom, somehow it worked. I went in to the cinema with very low expectations, there were parts where those expectations were exceeded and parts where the film met those expectations, the film is very much like a sound wave (yep, I did just use that analogy). The acting from the rest of the cast (minus Sean Penn) was super, especially Ryan Gosling, who always delivers. Lastly, the ending was wrapped up nicely, showing what everyone went on to do; which I really liked.

My final verdict: wait until this film goes to £3 in HMV...oh wait. However, if you enjoy a film with little to no character development, big guns, explosions, over-the-top fifteen rated gore and an extremely cheesy script (my favourite line being “Hold on to your hats, boys”) only then would I recommend seeing it for the hefty price of £9.20 or more (the rip-off prices of Cineworld).

So, this years Oscar nominations were revealed today. Here's my thoughts:

Best Supporting Actor:

Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master

Robert De Niro, Silver Linings Playbook

Alan Arkin, Argo

Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln.

Who do I think should win? Well in all honesty I've only seen one film out of that list, Silver Linings Playbook. Robert De Niro was brilliant in that film, don't get me wrong. But there's something telling me that Christoph Waltz will win because 1) He is amazing 2) Django Unchained will be brilliant 3) It's Quentin Tarantino. Tommy Lee Jones, for me, always pulls through with a brilliant performance in everything he does. Argo, I haven't heard enough about. I don't think I've even seen any other Alan Arkin films to judge his performance skills on.

My prediction: Robert De Niro. 

Best Director:

David O'Russell, Silver Linings Playbook

Ang Lee, Life of Pi

Steven Spielberg, Lincoln

Michael Haneke, Amour

Benh Zeitlin, Beasts of the Southern Wild

I think from my previous reviews it's quite obvious who I think should win this. Although Silver Linings Playbook was amazing, from a directors point of view everything was perfect. However, just because of how beautiful Life of Pi is...it has to be Ang Lee. I'll be very surprised if Life of Pi doesn't win. However, having Steven Spielberg as a nominee, it's going to be hard for anyone else to win. Let's hope we can pull away from the obvious choice.

My prediction: Ang Lee

Best Actor:

Daniel Day Lewis, Lincoln

Denzel Washington, Flight

Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables

Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook

Joaquin Phoenix, The Master

I think we're seeing a trend already aren't we? It seems that there are two films that are ruling the Oscars so far; Silver Linings Playbook and Lincoln. In my opinion, Les Miserables should be nominated for so many more Oscars than they are. I haven't seen it yet, nor do I plan to see it for another couple of weeks but I already know that I'll come out like a crying wreck. Hugh Jackman is one of the best actors for this role and I know he'll play it perfectly. For that reason I think he deserves to win Best Actor.

My prediction: Hugh Jackman

Best Actress

Naomi Watts, The Impossible

Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty

Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

Emmanuelle Riva, Amour

Quvenzhané Wallis, Beasts of the Southern Wild

Once again, Silver Linings! I honestly think Jennifer Lawrence deserves this. She manages to break out of her role from The Hunger Games and turn herself in to a completely different character, completely unique. Which, as far as I know she sticks strictly to the book character, which is amazing. She totally deserves this Oscar. But then I go back to thinking about The Impossible, Naomi Watts I know plays a VERY strong role in that. I think I'm going to stick with my first decision here. 

My prediction: Jennifer Lawrence

Best Picture

Beats of the Southern Wild

Silver Linings Playbook

Zero Dark Thirty

Lincoln

Les Miserables

Life of Pi

Amour

Django Unchained

Argo

This year at the Oscars, I think the judges choices have been pretty broad. For Best Picture there is a film from every genre. It's hard for me to pick a favourite here, I think Les Miserables deserves the Oscar because everyone has worked so hard to keep to the original screenplay, but then again with Life of Pi's cinematography, I think it deserves the Oscar too. Django Unchained is just a brilliant piece of work and Silver Linings Playbook is a great film to tug at your heart strings and makes you feel good about yourself. I feel like I am a bit biased here because I haven't seen the rest of the films that are up for nominations. I guess this can be my task, to watch them all before the Oscars. But I think this time I'll have to go for 

My prediction: Life of Pi.

From here, I will just give my predictions because I do not know enough of the films to give an extended opinion.

Best Foreign Film

Amour

No

War Witch

A Royal Affair

Kon-Tikki

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to see any of the foreign films that are nominated for Oscars this year so cannot give an opinion.

Best Animated Film

Brave

Frankenweenie

Paranorman

Pirates! Band of Misfits (UK title: Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists)

Wreck-it Ralph

My prediction: Frankenweenie

Best documentary film 

5 Broken Cameras

The Gatekeepers

How To Survive A Plague

The Invisible War

Searching For Sugarman

My prediction: The Invisible War

Music (original score)

Anna Karenina, Dario Marianelli

Argo, Alexandre Desplat

Life of Pi, Mychael Danna

Lincoln, John Williams

Skyfall, Thomas Newman 

My prediction: Argo, Alexandre Desplat

Adapted Screenplay

Argo, Chris Terrio

Beasts Of The Southern Wild, Lucy Alibar and Benh Zeitlin

Life of Pi, David Magee

Lincoln, Tony Kushner

Silver Linings Playbook, David O Russell

My prediction: Silver Linings Playbook

Original Screenplay

Amour, Michael Haneke

Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino 

Flight, John Gatins

Moonrise Kingdom, Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola

Zero Dark Thirty, Mark Boal

My prediction: Moonrise Kingdom, Wes Anderson and Roman Coppola

Cinematography

Anna Karenina, Seamus McGarvey

Django Unchained, Robert Richardson

Life of Pi, Claudio Miranda

Lincoln, Janusz Kaminski

Skyfall, Roger Deakins 

My prediction: Life of Pi, Claudio Miranda

Costume Design

Anna Karenina, Jacqueline Durran

Les Miserables, Paco Delgado

Lincoln, Joanna Johnston

Mirror Mirror, Eiko Ishioka

Snow White and the Huntsman, Colleen Atwood

My prediction: Anna Karenina, Jacqueline Durran

There are a couple of surprises however, I'm EXTREMELY surprised that Leonardo DiCaprio isn't up for an Oscar AGAIN! If anyone deserves one this year, it's him. He's really put himself out this year to get into as many films as he possibly can: The Great Gatsby, Django Unchained and The Wolf of Wall street. I'm not really sure how the Oscars work, if there's a cut off point or not? Because I'm also really surprised that The Hunger Games isn't up for any Oscars either? What's going on?!